Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
