Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
