Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
