I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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