there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My bed smells like the plague
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
