Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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