i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
