You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The best revenge is premature balding
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
