Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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