Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
