i would punch a child for taco bell
I just threw up on my dentist
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
