DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
