I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
