Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
