shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
