Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
