You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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