bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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