road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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