I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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