I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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