My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
