I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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