If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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