I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
