it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
