I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
