i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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