oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
