here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
