Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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