i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
