I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Success! We fucked roommates!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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