It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
