I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
