I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
