I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
