you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
