he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
