i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So squirting runs in the family.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
