I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
