its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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