At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
