No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
