I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There r osticjed everywhere
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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