i permit you to call me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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