Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
