Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
