Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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