This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
