i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
