just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
