he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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