I have demons in me.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
