Your dad touched me again.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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