so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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